I

     "And then he laughed!" she said. 

     "Can you believe him? I fell and the first thing he did was laugh! He's really heartless right?" 

Her voice seemed to echo through the frigid air. The wet dirt was beginning to bother her but she didn't want to leave yet. She wasn't ready to go. 

     "But then, he reached his hand out to me...and he asked if I was okay with a dumb smile on his face..." 

She wanted to tell him she reached for that hand. She wanted to tell him that it was a lot rougher than she imagined it to be, but it was warm. She couldn't bring herself to tell him she reach for that hand just like she reached for his. 

     "And then we just stood there waiting for Ann. You know how she is, late as always. She never changes. But...at least there's one thing we can count on staying the same." 

She remembered she brought gloves but she didn't want to wear them. The stone was cold too. She started to get angry because she couldn't feel its ridges.

     "But then she didn't show up. That Ann...something about her brother moving. I couldn't really hear what she said. You know how my phone is." 

She took out her phone to show him. Cracked screen, broken camera, and everything. He would surely tell her to get a new phone. 

And she replied with the same hesitation, "Yea, I should..." 

     "So, we just, you know, walked around I guess...and got some food. He made me wait for him while he went for the bathroom. So, I just sat there watching the people skate at the park. We, never really got to do that huh." 

Snow had started to fall. The sun was setting. Her tears made her face red and unbearably cold. 

     "And then, he came back. You know, from the bathroom." she hesitated, "with flowers. for me..." 

- 

"I love you. I always had. I know I will never be able to take his place, I know I will never be able to be your number one. But, I want to be by your side. I want to protect you in his stead. I want you to cry in my arms as you think about him. I want to give you the happiness you deserve. Will you give me a chance?" 

- 

She started to bawl. Her ugly cry resonated throughout the field. Her glasses were falling off and fogging up. She just cried even more. 

     "It's all your fault! You! I told you I wanted flowers but you never got them for me!" she started to yell at him as she trembled from the cold and the pain. 

     "Yes! I said yes okay?! Because HE bought me flowers. HE went ice skating with me. HE stayed with me and HE didn't leave me. He didn't leave me...He didn't leave me like you did." 

But he didn't say anything. He didn't feel anything. He couldn't embrace her like he always did. But she was sure he would've wanted to. She was sure he would've. 

Gripping the grass with all the strength she had left, she bawled. Her scarf, wet with her tears, provided no warmth. The wool hat he gave her provided no comfort. The earrings she received from him on their 3rd anniversary provided no love. All she could do was continue to cry.

Moana

Moana is such an amazing movie ! Music, animation, story, characters, voice actors, plot, scenary, cultural accuracy (from what I've been reading), color palette and everything !

If you'd like, please support the wonderful movie and go see it ~ (◕‿◕)

Autumn Company

Natsume Yuujinchou is back and now I've got something wonderful to look forward to every Tuesday.

先週は書道の授業があった。石の上に「道」を書いたので、ちょっと俳句を作った。
私にとって　未来の道が知らないときは怖くても、それも一番楽しいことね。
毎日の質問は　私ができるかな。

もし文法は違ったら、教えてください～

道の花    未来を咲くが   見つけるな

Revists

She had already said her farewells weeks ago. She was responded with many good lucks and have funs, but that wasn't what she really wanted to hear. 
Her sister had shaped her eyebrows perfectly and highlighted her hair brown just the way she liked it. 
"I'm really going to miss you, you know? But, I know this is what you want so...do your best okay?" her sister said as she gave her a pat on the head. 
"I'll do my best." she responded as she hung her keys on the door and left. 
She walked to the station while fumbling with her mp3 trying to untangle the headphones. She was reminded of the time he tried to untangle her headphones for her and ended up tearing the wires apart. He was always kind of reckless.
"Hey." 
She looked up and saw him standing right next to the trashcan she dumped her old headphones in. 
"So..whatever you end up doing..good luck I guess. Wherever you end up going...be safe, I guess." He mumbled as he tucked his hands into his back pocket. He always had a habit of doing that when he was at loss for words. She hated it. 
"Thanks. See you." She replied and continued to walk down their path. As she walked pass him, she could smell the detergent on his clothes and the shampoo in his hair. She hated it.
She kept walking and only focused on their path. The sun was dancing with the horizon and she had only wondered if she could ever be the sun. She had only ever really wanted to hear her horizon say,
"I'll meet you there." 
---
This story (?) was inspired by this wonderful photo

Good night ( ◡‿◡ *)

風の記憶

Memories of the wind
If I sing to you,
Will you listen to my worries? 
If you sing to me, 
Will you tell me yours? 

Please enjoy a wonderful song by Anri Kumaki. ^^

"The blue Earth planted in my heart, the full moon floating in the night sky. 
The flowers of the Earth planted in my heart, a sun that never sets." 

Unnecessary

Recently I've come to a revelation that I haven't visited or used blogger in a while because I didn't need it anymore. I only wrote, or had random outbreaks of wanting to write, whenever I was feeling lonely or somber. That would be good news. Long periods of time without posts would be happier days and full of positive emotions me. That would be good news, but then there is the appearance of this post. 

Now that I have officially begun the 2nd year of college, the pressures of choosing a major no longer crept behind, but are shoved in my seemingly apathetic carefree face. There is so much desire to create a dream future that I just want to pick something and just go with the flow. Is it that terrible to have vague interest in many fields? It is that necessary to choose a major that might dictate your career? 

& I haven't quite found what I'm looking for yet. 

I hope you all are well. The weather is changing bit by bit so please take care. ~

Fernweh

Fernweh n. (German): feeling homesick for a place you have never been to

I'm not quite sure what it is but every morning for the past week I felt like I could roll out of bed, take a flight of stairs and leisurely make breakfast for myself. But every day I wasn't able to do so, not only because of the year-old pan of pasta that a colony of flies have inhabited, because I wasn't home. I didn't have a refrigerator or my own cup to pour orange juice into. That doesn't exactly bother me but in the back of my brain I am being constantly reminded: 

• So, are you going to transfer here? 
• So, what are you going to major in?
• So, have you found what you're looking for? 
• SO what are you going to do? 

After a week of going to class, not taking the MTA, making friends, eating omelettes for breakfast, showering while stepping on shoes, signing into Wi-Fi every night and exploring avenues I can't differentiate, my head is still somewhere in the clouds that just won't bring rain for the flowers to bloom. 

---

Now I'm into week two and I am becoming more comfortable and acquainted with the area, with the people and the place. But I have been missing home, missing my family, my boyfriend and my friends. 

Fernweh. The place where the road stretches for miles with grass and flowers accompanying my journey on my bike. The clouds cheering me on my journey. Where will I end up?