I have this really bad habit of running away. Or maybe, avoiding is a better term, while I have the notion of being honest. 
Sitting down with my friends and talking about deep topics over ramen partially sums up my Saturday. As the conversation progressed, I realized (not for the first time) that I had to solve/face the problem. 
What the fuck am I doing to do for the next four years? 
Maybe you're wondering (or maybe not), if there was really a need for vulgar language. Maybe further down the post you'll see there is; I've got a feeling this one is going to be a long one. 
Yeah sure I'm going to college and so far it's been good. Yeah sure I know what I want to do for graduate school.
When people ask me what I'm going to major in, I just blank out. As I'm typing this, definitely some blacking out going on. 
I have no fucking idea. I'm so clueless and confused to the point where it pisses me off, bothers me all the time, jabs me in the back of my mind and devours my thoughts. Undergraduate degree, 4 years, paid in full. However you look at it, it matters to a point. And the worst part is, cold weather is coming so that just naturally means negative thoughts trail along with it. And that means less productive thinking and more, distractions. 

Where do I go from here?

Yui

Today I thought about Yui. Then, I got upset that I will never get a chance to see Yui on stage as YUI. But then I started to get upset at myself for being selfish. I'm sure Yui is enjoying her new step in life to become flower flower. She is still singing, for herself and for her fans. And then I re-watched her message to her fans on her vevo channel. 
She is such a kind hearted person. She is so courageous. Her music is, so amazing. And I mean, she is perfect. 
I'm sure I'm not the only fan to get their spirits lifted when listening to her music. 
And wow I apologize for my incoherent sentences and blabbing thoughts, it's just a rush of appreciation and grateful-ness.

I've reached another bump in the road and just trying to get over it might take more effort than I have, so I'm glad I can still turn to Yui and her music. 
And now I even have flower flower ~ 
So I'm really excited to listen to their music and to see how Yui is doing. 

Green Tea Latte

As I tried to turn up the volume of my music so I can hear it over the square dancing music in Bryant Park, I began to realize. I chose to stay in the city so I could find myself, but I haven't found anything and I'm beginning to feel impatient. As for the next step, I'm not sure what to think or better yet, what to do. Spending my college days idyllically seems like a foolproof plan but what do I do? I know precisely what I'd love to do after college, but what do I do now? What I want to do won't pay. I'm envious of those around me that are passionate about what they want to accomplish, or really just passionate. In the end, I just sat at Bryant Park for a few hours drinking Green Tea Latte. 

September weather really is the best. 

Thank you Miyazaki-san

It is always such an amazing experience and time well spent when I watch your movies. I would like to thank you, as well as Takahata-san, and everyone at Studio Ghibli for your generosity in sharing with us your talent and imagination. Even though it is not easy to say goodbye to your wonderful films, I'm glad you will have time to rest well. Please enjoy your retirement. Thank you again for sharing with us different beautiful worlds through your eyes. 

missing reminders

Anything was possible back then. 

does it matter?

"I'm not sure which road I should take" Alice said
"Where do you want to go?" ask the Cheshire Cat
"I don't know" Alice replied
"Then it doesn't matter" Cheshire said

Green Tea Kit Kat

Today was my first day at work. It wasn't tiring when I was working, but I'm home now and I just can't wait to pass out. Maybe I just need better shoes to stand in, converse don't work really well. I met some pretty cool people and I'm looking forward to working with them.
But I already made a mistake, even though the customer didn't mind, still it was embarrassing and just plain bad. Hopefully I make no more of it. 
The best part of my day was probably eating a Green Tea Kit Kat. Goodness hubba bubba (I don't know, I'm tired). 
It is so so so amazingly fantastically wonderfully awesomely delicious.