カラフルワールド

Absolutely in love with Tomohisa Sako's video for Colorful World. (or more like totally in love with him) 
He looks so happy ~ ^^ ~
Please watch it if you'd like for some cuteness and smiles ^^

Colorful World

Days of Mon

I always feel like I'm inclined to feel a certain way about Mondays. Either happy with expectations for the week or just constant dreading for the start of it. Today, or rather, yesterday, was really exhausting. I felt myself deteriorating at a faster rate and it was very troublesome. And then my perfect schedule for spring semester was changed because one of the class time was altered. I was unconsciously waiting for a trigger, and as trivial as it seems, that was it. 

And then I just spent the next half hour or so bawling. I went to sleep for what I thought was days turned out only to be an hour. I stopped sleeping but I wasn't awake. The world was still a beautiful, horrible place. 

It's cold.

I'm cold. 

風立ちぬ

The other day I got a chance to see kaze tachinu with one of my good college friend. It was really really amazing, of course no less than you'd expect from Studio Ghibli or Miyazaki San.

So if you have the time and opportunity, please watch it to the very end.

げんきです，でも， ちょっと，つかれた

Whiling patiently waiting for autumn to arrive, I realized it was already winter. Autumn never came. That left me with an empty feeling in my stomach. Or maybe it's because of my lack of lunch. 
Standing on the train platform, all I could hear was the sound of wind singing and yesterday's rain. Christmas is coming again and so are my friends from out of city colleges. I should be excited and happy. I should be blasting Christmas music singing along loudly until my parents tell me to shut up. I should be asking people about what they want for Christmas. 
But I always feel like this when the weather starts to get cold. I hate it. I hate it so much. 
I don't have time to feel upset. I'm tired. Again. 

I have this really bad habit of running away. Or maybe, avoiding is a better term, while I have the notion of being honest. 
Sitting down with my friends and talking about deep topics over ramen partially sums up my Saturday. As the conversation progressed, I realized (not for the first time) that I had to solve/face the problem. 
What the fuck am I doing to do for the next four years? 
Maybe you're wondering (or maybe not), if there was really a need for vulgar language. Maybe further down the post you'll see there is; I've got a feeling this one is going to be a long one. 
Yeah sure I'm going to college and so far it's been good. Yeah sure I know what I want to do for graduate school.
When people ask me what I'm going to major in, I just blank out. As I'm typing this, definitely some blacking out going on. 
I have no fucking idea. I'm so clueless and confused to the point where it pisses me off, bothers me all the time, jabs me in the back of my mind and devours my thoughts. Undergraduate degree, 4 years, paid in full. However you look at it, it matters to a point. And the worst part is, cold weather is coming so that just naturally means negative thoughts trail along with it. And that means less productive thinking and more, distractions. 

Where do I go from here?

Yui

Today I thought about Yui. Then, I got upset that I will never get a chance to see Yui on stage as YUI. But then I started to get upset at myself for being selfish. I'm sure Yui is enjoying her new step in life to become flower flower. She is still singing, for herself and for her fans. And then I re-watched her message to her fans on her vevo channel. 
She is such a kind hearted person. She is so courageous. Her music is, so amazing. And I mean, she is perfect. 
I'm sure I'm not the only fan to get their spirits lifted when listening to her music. 
And wow I apologize for my incoherent sentences and blabbing thoughts, it's just a rush of appreciation and grateful-ness.

I've reached another bump in the road and just trying to get over it might take more effort than I have, so I'm glad I can still turn to Yui and her music. 
And now I even have flower flower ~ 
So I'm really excited to listen to their music and to see how Yui is doing. 

Green Tea Latte

As I tried to turn up the volume of my music so I can hear it over the square dancing music in Bryant Park, I began to realize. I chose to stay in the city so I could find myself, but I haven't found anything and I'm beginning to feel impatient. As for the next step, I'm not sure what to think or better yet, what to do. Spending my college days idyllically seems like a foolproof plan but what do I do? I know precisely what I'd love to do after college, but what do I do now? What I want to do won't pay. I'm envious of those around me that are passionate about what they want to accomplish, or really just passionate. In the end, I just sat at Bryant Park for a few hours drinking Green Tea Latte. 

September weather really is the best.