Conspicuous

conspicuous adj. easily seen, noticeable

So I've realized that I haven't posted in a while that I had to go back to my old posts and figure out the styling for the definitions. Either way, I'm back and ready to load this blog with intellectual vents, recollections, minor vulgar language and daily feelings.
I took the SAT on Saturday and I saw an old classmate of mine. I was very excited to see him; it's been three years since. Even so, I was scared to say hi for the same reasons. What if he doesn't remember me? I think it would be better if my gut feeling wasn't proven correct.
Feelings really screw you over. Maybe it's because I'm naturally sensitive so I over think things. But, for some unfathomable reason, this is one of those feelings I just can't shake off. Why is it that it constantly occurs so subtly, but not subtle enough for me not to detect them? And, even with my colorful imagination, I just can't come up with a reason why. Why is it that I feel so uncomfortable?  I feel like I'm trying too hard to be accepted and humorous. It's been so long, 7 years, and it isn't supposed to be this way. So why?
I can't avoid him; it's just something I simply can not do. But I'm limiting my contact and conversations. It isn't on purpose and it's not a plan. It's like, my heart knows it's something I need to do and to protect me, it does it spontaneously. My brain knows it too, and for my health, works hand in hand with my heart to come up with this plot that I have no agreement to. I guess I'm still hurt. But I believe time is the only thing that can help me, so I'm just patiently waiting.
I miss her. I miss her too. Whatever supernatural force or some twisted coincidence, I still can't believe that within one year I had to go back there again. The same room and the same people conducting it. I hope they're happy; even in different places, I still wish the best. I bet heaven is different for everyone.
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It just sucks.